Awake to the Problems of Life, Asleep to the Solutions.

I want things to be easier in my life. I almost always do. Everything that I attempt to solve, is a process of making it easier for the next time. When something is hard, I’ve decided that it’s bad, and I could design a new better way. I want to avoid difficulties, only always.

I guess somewhere along the line, I decided that hard equals bad. Usually, in my little teensy human-mind, I think easy = good, hard = bad.

Where did that come from? When did I discover this idea? Is it even true at all??

My super cute, almost 3 year old nephew, Tucker-Man, was playing with cars last weekend. We were laying on the floor together and he noticed a spoiler was broken off of one the Hot Wheels. He had the two pieces in his hands. Very maturely, he explained that ‘We have a problem… look Uncle A, the car is broken… we have a problem.’ 

Hmm, I said, as I saw that the pieces were never going back together. I noticed he was using the word “problem”, but in a very inquisitive way. He was discovering the idea of a problem, but it didn’t seem that he wasn’t placing judgment on the broken-ness of the car and it’s busted part. So I asked, ‘Is a problem a good thing?’ He stopped for just a sec, and responded with excitement, “YES!”

Just for fun, I agreed, and reiterated, “A problem is a good thing, Yay!”

I wished that I could be that free and easy with those words all the time. I wish that I was like little Tucker-Boy and had yet to make these decisions about the nature of problems, or broken parts to things.

I run across broken-ness all the time. I am constantly inside the activity of piecing back-together, busted parts of things. I sometimes do it with actual mechanical pieces. But lots of times it is a system that needs adjustment at the restaurant, or a tee shirt design that has been sent incomplete. I am all day long, in the business of fixing problems. I make my living doing it. I spend hours and hours each day on problems. I actually do find enjoyment in the solutions that I use my creativity to come up with.

Soo…. Tucker is right. Problems are a good thing. So why do I want so bad, to be rid of them? Just like I explained tonight, in a business conversation, I want to find solutions that are sustainable, solutions that end the continuation of a broken-record repetitious cycle. I love it, when I can think of an idea, that when executed will put a stop to the problem, once and for all. That is my favorite.

What a farce! What a sham! What crap! If I was so good at that, then why do problems keep constantly popping up? Why is there a never-ending storyboard of problematic scenes playing out each day in my little world? I still have a lot to learn.

Instead of being so honed-in on finding perfect solutions, maybe I could begin working on my flexibility to accept the toss of these issues, in a more playful and fun way. Maybe instead of getting bummed out, with each ‘thing’ that ‘messes up my day’, I could learn to know that ‘my day’ wasn’t going to be perfect anyway. My day is as jacked-up and convoluted as they come. Actually, I tend to prefer this looseness and open-ended way of life, to a very strict and regimented version. I haven’t had a ‘normal job’ with ‘normal hours’ since 2010. I actually keep choosing this type of lifestyle, week in and week out. I have yet to go back and discover ‘normal life’ appealing to me.

I guess though, I want it all. I guess then, I want to have a dynamic free-form entrepreneurial lifestyle, and at the same time, steady predictable mundane-ness. I guess I want the excitement, and simultaneously, no surprises. I want to do everything my way, and have everyone else want it to be their way too… My way, that is…

Dang.

So here I sit. At the (new) computer, at 2:17am. Just a bit earlier, I was going to give up on the blog for tonight. No ideas brewing, nothing percolating upon the screen. I was headed to bed, thinking, DANG! Why do I have all this stuff going on right now! Why do I have to write this blog, why do I torture myself with it? Why didn’t I realize that setting up my new computer would take so long? Why do I have to work so many hours tomorrow? And also, WHY, did I volunteer to speak at church on Sunday? Why do I do that to myself! I am getting stressed out, about all these PROBLEMS!

Uhh, yeah, so anyway…

I guess right now, it is actually Good Friday…

I guess right now, I could hear the cry of a much much more powerful moment. I guess right now, I feel pretty small, in my little problems. I noticed that the moonlight in the Garden of Gethsemane. I noticed that our Lord, was facing down much more grave and torturous circumstances than my whiny inconveniences…

Deep in the night, Jesus knew that the culmination of his ministry was at hand. He knew the pain that was about to come. He knew that his mission wouldn’t be complete without a very wretched, brutal and cruel death ahead. He did offer prayers, and request that if it could be avoided, by God’s will, then he wanted to avoid it. He had REAL Problems, yet, he wanted God’s will, more than his own.

Wow. What a moment in the history of humankind. What a sacrifice. What a whiny little brat, I can be sometimes…

Will I stay awake tonight? Will I keep watch with my friend Jesus, in the dark of night? Will I be better than the disciples, who experienced him in the flesh, and pray with him till his betrayer arrives?

I don’t know… I was headed to bed, until I heard his voice in the garden. I heard this moment playing out, from a story we read in Bible Study. I heard it speak to me through the ages. “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

I am still torn. How can I step back and see the duality of all these situations? Yes, my daily problems, are bad, because I react in a bad way to them. I get upset and cranky. I am not being my fun and enjoyable self through them. I want my will to be done. I want my way. It crushes me into smallness and claustrophobia. Yet, these problems and these conflicts are the exercise I use to grow. I am so much stronger, I am so much more capable now, that I have dealt with problems, small and large in my life. I am no expert. I fail often. Every day though, I am exercising myself. I am pumping the iron.

Jesus, showed so many human traits that night in the Garden. We can imagine ourselves staring down something monumental, and showing great concern, wanting to pray, wanting friends nearby to support us… How though, can I be more like him, and be in prayer, not for MY will to be done, but God’s?

My friends, my life is exquisite in it’s simplicity. It is feather-like in heft. It is a clean soft, even shallow breath of spring time breeze. I am blessed. I have no worries, no sorrows, no regrets. I can find this place, when I focus on Him… not on me…

My life and my relationship with Christ, has not made any problems go away. It has not created happiness, or ease or joy. I find it a struggle, I am challenged, I am mad often and deeply deeply hurt, by the pain of the contrast I think I experience vs. the truth I wish to.

I however, think of myself all the time. I think of me, mine, and moi. I feel the ‘me-ness’ of it all, and rarely do I approve fully, I find flaws. I think little Tucker, saw the problem of the broken car parts as outside himself. He saw that it was just a broken toy, that he noticed, and an opportunity to play and try to fix it. It wasn’t a comment of how good of a toy-repairer he was. It didn’t display his worth as a person, whether he played with broken toys or perfect ones. He hadn’t listened to the lies of the world yet, that have us believing that ‘we’ have our own value, adjusted good or bad, by the problems, material things, or even actions taking place in our life.

‘We’ were reason enough, for Jesus, the Son of God, to die for us. He was the ultimate Passover sacrifice, he did that for You, he did that for Me. Wow…

When I once again focus on this unbelievable act, and the absurdly unbelievable Resurrection to follow, my problems disappear. They become not good or bad, they just don’t exist. I see His light as both an ethereal envelope around us, and as the very substance of everything we know. All is love. Love is all.

I will probably always bounce between the polarity of self-pity, self torture and of seeking His divine Will. I wonder if the action of that exercise will ever get easier?  If it is God’s will, then let it be done. If it is not possible to avoid these trials, then let it be so.

I fear that, like the disciples, I will miss my opportunity to stay awake with the teacher one last time. I too will sleep. We all will. We are people, not perfect, like Him.

Sincerely,

Perfectly Broken: Aaron Nichols

 

Wildthing, You make my heart sing, I think I love You!

“I’ll never fence you in, baby,” I said, in front of a bunch of people, as I found out that my wife was leaving to attend a school, and I would have to move with her, hundreds of miles away. I was surprised by this realization in the moment. Thinking quickly though, I knew instinctively, that I couldn’t say no, and that I wanted to support her in this endeavor.

Sure, it was a super-vivid dream, that I woke up with this morning. Another crazy one. Lindsay and I were with some other of her family, in a room full of community people, talking about the benefits of riding bicycles. All kinds of bicycles. Road bikes, beach cruisers, mountain bikes and kids bikes. What did all that mean? I have no idea!

Anyway, someone in the crowd, asked if she was excited, that she was accepted to something called Rockthurst, and I was caught really off-guard. I was red-faced and embarrased, that my wife had something in the works, that I didn’t know about. Lots of emotions were flooding my mind. Since there was an audience, I went with “I’ll never fence you in, baby!”. And then everyone clapped in approval. I said we will figure it out, and make the most of this move.

Yes, this was all a dream. I experience lifetimes of them every night, and I remember a lot of them, as I wake up. This one is interesting in it’s parallel to the waking world. There have been several key moments in my life, in which, I am presented with a fork in the road like this. As in the dream, usually I have responded in much the same way. I will enthusiastically, endorse the open possibility ahead. I will say that I am excited about the future for everyone involved. I will speak something grandiose about the greatness ahead.

One of the most recent real-life versions of this dream, would be, when Lindsay was hired as a teacher at Central Heights School, and I accepted her role at the Restaurant. Caught up in the moment, it was all excitements and wonder, and new possibility ahead. It solved a few real problems for us. It fulfilled a lifelong dream for her, and probably for me too. Win-Win-Win! Yay!

Except.

Except, that my bark is bigger than my bite. Except, that I begin with rushes of energy and sparkle, that are unsustainable. Except, that once again, I find out that, I can’t truly live up, to the expectations that I set for myself…

I could type out, that ‘real life sets in’. 

My beginning vigor begins to fade. My excitement and wonder at the newness of it all, slowly converts. I then see the flaws, I see the problems, I wonder now, if I can live up to, what I said I would do in the beginning. As I understand that it ain’t going to happen in some perfect, dream-like scenario, I lose my poise. The honeymoon ends. The dreamer wakes up, and looks around, there is no clapping of approval from the crowd.

Yeah, there are many of these moments that I can recall. I set a bar for myself and truly for others, that can’t be reached. I resent our failures to do so. My ugly side shows up.

The other day, it occurred to me, that it sometimes is a good thing, that I see problems everywhere. I can spot issues and see ahead to upcoming complications. I see them at home, but especially at work. I scan the room, and pick apart all the things that need worked on, or improved. I have done lots of that, at the Brand’N Iron. I am troubled by inefficiency, or wasted spaces. When we are out of a natural flow, and stepping all over each other, I cringe, knowing we are wasting our energy.

So it is a good thing, that I see problems. I am good at solving them. I can get creative, grab a tape measure, and move things around. I buy new equipment, if that will help us. I type out checklists, make signs, trying to smooth the wrinkles and create a more seamless workflow, for us, and for the benefit of our customers.

So there, I see problems. I have lots to see. There is a buffet of them, everywhere I look. Ironically, as much as I love solving problems, I am frustrated and depressed at the sheer volume and scale of the issues I recognize. I am too good at picking them out. It is counter-productive to hold myself accountable to straighten them all out. I feel lost, hopeless, and yes, angry, at what I have gotten myself into.

It is a good thing, and a bad thing to see problems. It is a good thing, and a bad thing, to jump into new adventures with this unsustainable dream-like almost reckless abandon. I get myself into things that I am not equipped to handle. Re-tooling myself, building the skills on-the-job, and having truly high expectations for myself, chews me up, and I want to be spit out, sometimes.

So far, just like you, we have survived everything that we’ve been put through. So far, we haven’t been beaten, truly beaten, by any of the problems of our lives. If you are here, reading these words today, you have not failed. Maybe you are like me, and get overwhelmed with problems, I hope not, if so, I understand. We get, that this universe is a place of unlimited possibility. We get that it may take hard work, but that improvement is always at hand. We have unimaginable resource, forgiveness and sustainability in the God who loves us. We just want to feel that fuzzy huggy love all the time.

I wonder if the message today, could be that God’s gift to us is that the structure of our existence has a built in dynamic. “I’ll never fence you in, baby.” Maybe that is what our creator says to us, as well. We won’t be fenced in, and blocked off from world around us. We won’t be contained and captured in a small little pen. We have the expanse of the world to explore. We have all the freedoms we want.

Yet, we are not protected from it all either. We do not have a barricade, that turns away all problems, all the elements, all the beasts, that could harm us. We aren’t pets, there are no sugar cubes and brush-downs and lazy strolls on the summer afternoon. We are given none of that pampering by our creator. We are equipped however to deal with the environment. We have been blessed, with the ability and agility to explore. We’ve been given each other. We have been given The Word.

No, we haven’t been fenced in. Yes, I want to be out on the open range, I want this exact life that I have right this very moment. I want it exactly, as it is. I am grateful for it all. I want to remember that a little more often. I want to still see the problems. Nobody is better at causing change, and mentally chewing on solutions, until something shows up, than me.

I want to be here now, not in some dream. I want the honeymoon to be over, so that the real work, the true character building can begin. The fluff and excitement of the new, is short-lived for us all. Hard work is hard, but worth it.

Thanks be to God. Thanks for not fencing us in!

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols

Wishin’ I didn’t know now, What I didn’t know then…

Man, I used to LOVE Self Help Stuff! I really truly truly did! The insights, the wisdom, the stories and the steps to assist one in their own development. I just loved it, any way I could get it. Books, videos, seminars, personal life coaching sessions, it was all wonderful to me.

And then, it wasn’t, so much, anymore.

Somewhere along the way, my own enthusiasm seemed to drain. The vigor of this personal pursuit, faded. The peaked interest and the special tingles, I used to get from ‘resonating with an idea’, lost some sparkle to me.

In fact, to be truthful. I have begun… to resent it.

Yup, that’s right. The same person who used to be so excited and spellbound, by a Wayne Dyer PBS Program, or another book about personal success and happiness, or even, I hate to say it, a new free audio program on ‘Welcoming Every Circumstance’, by one of my heroes Steve Chandler, will now change the channel, or pass on the freebie.

After a few years of gorging myself on all this information, I have gotten kinda sick of it. In fact, there are a few things I think are important enough about this ‘shift’, that I will type it out here.

After a few years of Self Help Stuff, my life is radically different, than when I started it. Really, truly, different. Sometimes the scope of this difference gets me down. Sometimes, I resent the new changes, and have longing loving memories of the old ways of being. I want to be like Bob Seger and ‘Wish I didn’t know now, What I didn’t know then.’

After a few years of Self Help Stuff, I see things so differently. I cannot hear conversations the same. I cannot see them as I did before. Sometimes it is good. Many times it is not. Not everyone has downloaded all this same information as me. I find it almost like learning some secret stuff, that I wish I could unlearn. Like, that almost always, when we are talking about someone else, we are really speaking opinions and judgements we have against ourselves. ‘If ya spot it, ya got it.’ So if we are saying uplifting and complimentary things about others, we must have a healthy confidence in ourselves. If we are talking down about others, and pointing out their faults, then we probably have a similar inner narrative.

I want to un-notice this stuff in my day-to-day life. Because truthfully, as much as I have learned and understood, I do not practice it well at all. Nope. I am not one of these divinely anointed guru’s who seem to float around on clouds, and always have the perfect attitude and warm sunny response to the whole of life entire. Not at all. Honestly, the fact that I could be using these teachings and philosophies more to my own advantage, than I am, leaves me in a trap of double self judgement…

Okay, I know, I choose to be in self judgement, just like I choose everything in my experience… I know….

But I don’t. I actually find myself stuck, more often than I would like to, if all this stuff is so easy to understand and implement in my own life…

And there is the rub. Guess what… Life isn’t easy. Darn.

Suuuuure, I can get you a copy of a book or online video saying I am wrong in this too.

I do seem point my awareness at the gap, between where I am, and where I would like to be. In the self-help world, that may have to do with success and business and yes, material things. It also has to do with inner-peace, and letting go, and release of these worries of the world. In the practice of these ideas, I find my contempt pointed at my own failure to master them. Ignorance, it seems, would be more blissful…

And then there is the deeper influence that self-help has had on my being, my higher-self, even my eternal soul. See, I think that God has used this self-help stuff, to interest me and spark a curiosity, that would have been too scary or uncomfortable for me, waaay back in my twenties. I wouldn’t have wanted to dive into the Bible back then. However, after a few years of getting ‘spiritual’, I did feel called to express and discover more. I wanted to return to some of my religious roots. Through self-help, and new-age spirituality, I found Jesus.

NOW! Here is another hard part. A life shaped around WWJWM2D, is tougher than I ever imagined it could be. What would Jesus want me 2 do? How can I keep my eyes on Christ, instead of on the temptations of the world? In this moment, do I do what feeeels right, and my body wants, or do I temper my desires, and exercise my spiritual will? Can I win the battle and let anger, resentment, pride, envy, jealousy, lust, and greed find somewhere else to live, but within me?

I can’t win the battle. I don’t win the battle. I lose it. I lose my mind, my body, my demeanor, my sanity. I lose all that stuff, almost all the time. So there. That is why I don’t like self-help stuff (as much), anymore. I now see, how much I fail. I feel so far from where I want to be. I loooong to live in close proximity to the perfectness of God, and I ain’t even in the same galaxy…

So instead, I grumble and whine. I resent and pout. I am a baby, sitting in my dirty diaper, with an unwillingness for a change. I could even write a blog about it, tonight, and cry some more, while I choose to sit in my own poooop.

Truth is, many times that I was high on a life of self-help secrets, it was a fantasy world imagined in the years ahead. Just as I could begin this stuff, everything, and I mean, everything, would come together. Quickly, with a rush of the golden assistance of the Universe! Ha!

So impatient. So unappreciative. So blinded. So right and so wrong.

So many things are wonderful in my world, right now. I sit here and speak and write, I express my artistic side. I actually engage in an artistic endeavor every week. A deeply personal one, something I would have been too scared to do, years ago.

My beautiful bride slumbers softly in the bedroom tonight. I am so blessed by her presence in my world. I am in awe of the gift she is to me. A love so contorted in it’s arrival, that it had to be sewn by the almighty. No man could make this happen. Not me, for sure.

Working at the Brand’N Iron Bar and Grill, is a dream, that’s come true. I cannot think of something more perfect, and more exciting and more important for me to be putting my energy into, than our little spot on the side of Hwy 59, serving the local community. Doing it with reckless amateur abandon, intent on making people enjoy their experience. Creating comfort-food, serving, not selling, giving and working too hard, for laughably tiny pay. It just feels right, in so many ways. Deeply connecting, even spiritual ways.

And I laugh in this moment. For every thing I mentioned here, I live the flip-side too. I even carry a head-ful of the negatives, in unison with the positives. The balancing act can exhaust. I do love this blogging thing, yet I am anxious about it. I stay up waay too late with it, I am wasting my time, selfishly. I of course, love my wife. Marriage is hard though! I am no picnic to live with. I will fight, and say ugly things. I upset myself with my reactions. Compromise is not my forte. I love the Iron, yet I struggle with it too. Again, compromise, management, customer-service and looong hours, it is not always peachy, I have days and nights where I am not happy.

So. I must be careful, what I wish for. I get almost everything I want. I am blessed, beyond imagination. I am blessed however with every facet and side of my wishes. Not just the fun, good-time parts. I get it all. If I am to live into this life, as a Christian, as someone awake to their conciousness, and pushing their own limits, there is a price to pay. It doesn’t pierce the surface and release all the pressure to pray to God, or use self-coaching techniques. Nope. Feeling the struggle, being squeezed tightly, yet surviving, is building something. A stronger, deeper, foundation is under construction. It isn’t about being the tallest and prettiest. It is about withstanding the relentless tidal waves.

I usually fear that I am breaking under the stress. I fear that I am ready to wash my troubles down with a delicious glass of red. I fear, that I won’t have the balls, to keep myself on track. And therefore, my fear, reminds me that I don’t like self-help stuff anymore. It reminds me, that the help is going to have to come, from myself.

I sometimes think that is very true. It is up to me, although impossible. None of the blessings of my life, including sobriety, had much to do with my strength, it is his. When I forget that, I hurt, I stress out, I resent the smiles and 7 steps to happiness. I’ve lost the belief that it is possible…

And Jesus said to him, “‘If You can?’ All things are possible to him who believes.”  Immediately the boy’s father cried out and said,
“I do believe; help my unbelief.” 
Mark 9:23-24

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols

 

 

Smacktalk, without the Smack!

I am big talk, here on the blog. I throw out all kinds of ideas, the junk drawer of my mind, dumped out on this screen. You know that. I pretend to be steeped in grandiosity, and I look up words, with my spellchecker, and thesaurus, and play like a writer. I do.

It’s kinda like a one way conversation. I do a lot of spewing and spouting. I click, clack, paddywack and give the dog a bone. I don’t even know what all I’ve said here on the blog, or what I will say, until it comes out, line by line. Usually, like tonight, I must play around, avoid, distract and waste away time, until I finally have to get serious. Then action begins.

See, action is a lot different than talking. It does take action, to talk like this. I could skip the whole thing and be sleeping right now, at 2:23a.m.

Still this is allllllll talk. I will admit, that last week’s post, about the wisdom of the Frogleg Lady, was well received. I saw several responses, and felt like I did a good job of typing out a topic that people liked and saw value in. It was my birthday as well. Extra reason, to feel the love of the little audience here at weirdforgood. Truly, much appreciated!

Yet, when at 4:30p.m. last Friday afternoon, THE Frogleg Lady walked into our restaurant with her friendly husband, I greeted them just as normally as I always would. They smiled and talked and joked and requested AGAIN, that we bring in some Froglegs to serve as appetizers, or a meal. It was great to see them both.

I didn’t however, ACTually, Act, and tell them, that they had been the topic of a popular blog I had written. I didn’t tell her, that she had inspired me to be more bold and confident, and make certain requests, so that I too, could begin to ‘get what I want out of life.’

Nope, none of that.

I did think about it, when they first got there. I had baby butterflies in my stomach, wondering what her reaction would be, if I was to tell her. And then, how would I do so. ‘How would I come across?’ These are the very sort of inner-self questions, that she has put aside it seems. I was being just normal ole me, passive and friendly, and yet not 100% honest. I was talking the talk, but not walking the walk…

ACTING on this stuff, I don’t always do. In fact, I wonder sometimes, If I ever do. See really, like a lot of people out there, I must have an inner belief, that Disney’s magic fairy or genie or godmother or millionaire, is going to just show up sometime and grant me wonderful wishes of my dreams, because my poor Cinderella self, has been toiling away so long, with such little celebrity and celebration over my work.

In fact, I even, deeeep down, wish that this blog, had thousands upon thousands of readers, and would throw off profits and packaged products, just from my wild-minded wordplay. Sure! I’ve been at this for years now! Surely it is going to be ‘discovered’ and take off like a rocket! Propelling Lindsay and I into some quasi-form of wealth beyond our dreams. Surely, this success is going to show up from out there in the dark abyss and be felt right here at our newly crafted golden home.

Riiiiiiight.

See that little story is pretty honest. Kinda sorta sadly true. Ridiculous in so many ways, but I wonder if I’m not the only one, who thinks their hidden talent will someday be discovered and blessed with fortune and fame? I think I’m not the only one. What is the truth then? Is there value in this moment? Without fortune, without fame, does this moment make sense? Is that the real reason I do this? It cannot be. I cannot only do it for dollars that don’t currently flow. There are none. That is like clocking into work, with no paycheck coming.

I do this and talk like this and type like this, because I want this outlet. My voice likes this place. Although, so often it won’t show up, until the last minute and keeps me groggy the next day through, I must believe that it is an important thing, or else I wouldn’t do it.

So, why wouldn’t I be jumping for joy at the chance to show the Frogleg Lady, the post I wrote about her? Wouldn’t I want to at least spread such a personal message to the one who inspired it? I guess that old ‘should’ word comes to mind. I ‘should’ want to do that, right? I ‘shouldn’t’ be scared to do it, right? Well, I was. I am. I type and click here, in the darkest hour of night, then click publish and go to bed.

I don’t sit with people in person, while they read my words. I don’t watch their eyes and expressions and lack of interest, or excitement or confusion. I especially don’t usually type about someone else so specifically. So these are the chosen excuses for why I didn’t ACT, in that moment.

I may never be an ACTor. I may never ACTually, say the things that begin a risky conversation. I may always slide a tangent, and skip adjacent to the issues at hand. Last week, the ending quote talked about not holding back, and yet I did.

The next day however, I was in a meeting. A meeting of folks I trust and love. I didn’t hold back then. I spoke my mind. I went on and on and on. I did ACTually release the mob of thoughts and opinions I had held back… later on, I regretted and worried. I felt that I had said too much. I pushed too hard. I wore out any chance I had at progress, with my tone, with my words.

These words are funny things my friends. They mean everything. They are all that can translate the eons of time and space. The word is eternal in a way. And yet it’s vapor. It dissipates into invisibility almost as fast as it arrives. Our words can be worthless. They can again and again, point out our lacks.

I am that, I am hardly anything, but words, at times. Will I get up and move, will I extend myself into deliberate action? I don’t know. I hope so. I will always want to, it seems. It seems that I want these words to pave and create pathways for my body to follow. I must want myself to move in the direction that my mouth points me. I must be careful not to follow it to the dark places, of which I speak too often.

There are people tonight out there, who feel and want and wish, a difference in their lives. They want their inside desires to be discovered and developed. They want something quite different from what they see right in front of them. I seem to notice, that some hints show up, as faith, and persistence and never giving up. It doesn’t come from the fairy god-mother millionaire genie. It must come from within ourselves only. All other ideas are fruitless. We must commit, we must decide, to make it happen, decide to act, then follow through. Again, my big talk shows up.

When again tomorrow, I play the same role again, and get the same results again, I ask you to forgive me. I ask you to see my example, as one of the many, the ones who think and talk, but don’t work hard enough, to really make it happen. Then, my story, will have another level of value to you, and for that, I could give thanks, not worry, that all these words are worthless.

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols

In life, “nice and polite” gets trampled by “committed and competent.” – Dusan Djukich

Some people actually think that productivity is a feeling. If you are waiting around to feel the right way, you will never get anything done. You will be in your head forever. 

People hide behind feelings. Feelings cover up fear.

Waiting for the “right” feeling to show up or the “wrong” feeling to go away is a game the timid and unproductive play. It’s a waste of life.

Productivity is actually generated out of commitment and sincerity. Yes, we are talking integrity. Integrity is follow through. 

If you have some type of goal that you say is important to you, you will define the necessary required actions to achieve it. You will also place unmovable deadlines on each action.

Your commitment and sincerity will drive the actions home to completion.

People don’t respect people who won’t choose and then follow through. It looks weak because it is weak.

Ignore feelings or lack of them. 

Stop using feelings as an excuse.

Integrity is the lynchpin of productivity.

Dusan Djukich 
Author: Straight-Line Leadership

‘How to create a Happy Birthday’ by the Frogleg Lady…

I have a gruff 72 year old customer that is quite direct and demanding and I like her. Most of the staff doesn’t appreciate her as much as I do. They prefer people who politely smile and respond in sweetness to the sweetness of questions asked, and food offered. People who just get ‘normal’ stuff and are ‘easy’ to deal with. I find her delightful and yes, insistent.

Last week, she told me that she is now 72 years old, and it’s about time she starts getting things the way she wants them in life.

I like that. I respect that. I want to be like her, more often.

Like I said though, her style isn’t as pedestrian and mild as most of the fine folks who visit our restaurant. Are they getting what they want out of life? Are they getting what they want from us? I suppose most of them are, they continue to come back, week after week. I truly hope they are happy; that is the #1 reason we are there. To serve people well, to delight them, and provide a quality experience of real food and friendly hospitality.

So which way works best? Do we need to demand and push, or can we sit back and hope it all works out, so we don’t have to say anything? As long as things are going good, it is fine to keep peace, and just hold our tongues. But what about when it’s not going good. What about when we want something to be different than it is, or we want to create an outcome, instead of just passively letting it happen?

Today, on my 35th(!) birthday, I want to send myself the message and note from our friend, The Frogleg Lady. She has a great heart, a great sense of humor, and she is asking for what she wants in life. Not just thinking about it, but asking. She is fair, she is logical, she doesn’t express desires that are outlandish or crazy. She is however, looking you right in the eye, and telling you what she wants, and asking if you will do it, or not.

Her question forces me to answer, on the spot. Sometimes, I can say yes, sometimes I have to say no. Either way, I must come clean, and provide resolution, for her, for me.

I’m not as effective of a question asker as she is. I still wallow in my self-pity, after being passive-aggressive, and making ‘funny’ comments instead of really saying what is on my mind. I know that I am conversing in a less mature, a less collected habit of being. I manage people, I manage business, I manage myself, and yet, I have so much to learn.

I do sort of even like, that my friend’s demeanor, doesn’t sit well with all of our staff. We aren’t used everyone being as confident and sure-footed in themselves as she is. I think when we see the opportunity to please someone who is quite particular, we have really done something great. The simple fact that this customer would return, again and again, says a lot. We must have done some things right, in her eyes.

I’m less than half her age today. I usually feel less than half-way developed, in my personal growth, my patience and measured self-responsibility. I have so far to go. I appreciate, that I have made some personal choices and created something unique, here in the last few years. I am not totally discounting the efforts I have put in. I have even been surprised lately, by a few comments from people, saying in effect, ‘that I am much better at keeping calm, and steady, than I used to be.’

I hope I haven’t been trading my true desires, for the desire to ‘not rock the boat.’

We’ll see if this new year, being 35 really changes much for me. Most likely it won’t, I will however, try to remember my friend, from time to time. I want to be like her. I want to truly know that ‘It is okay, to really ask for what you want in life, right now, under these exact circumstances. ‘

I don’t want to wait until I’m 72, to do it, however. I doubt that she waited that long either. When she is really grilling me, with that glint in her eye, I’m sure she didn’t.

It’s Friday, and it’s my birthday, I’d better get going, I’ve got some grilling to do ;)

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols

‘Your greatest regrets will always be sourced from the times in which you held back.’
- Dusan Djukich

Even my EDC Kit is Weird!!

My EDC Kit is only interesting to people who know what EDC is… right? Every Day Carry, is a term that you could look up on YouTube and see thousands of videos about. Just like a lot of topics on there, you can find people totally geeked-out, and crazy-excited about a topic that you have never heard of, or maybe care to… on the world wide interweb.

A lot of guys show the guns and knives and weapons they Every Day Carry, on vidoes on YouTube. They show the clothes they choose to wear, that hides their gear. They tell you tons of detail about the brands and models they choose of almost every item in their pockets. Then they show you the bug-out bags they have in their cars for when the SHTF happens! (Sh!t Hits The Fan) of course…

So here is the contents of my pockets and person on a daily basis. I do switch out to a sleeker more gentlemanly knife on Sundays, this one has screwdriver heads build in, and is a little more bulky, but overall, I Carry these items Every Day…

EDC-kitBelieve it or not, this type of thing is really interesting to some people… So, here is my personal EDC itemized list:

  • Sunglasses
  • Watch
  • Front Pocket Wallet, with a little cash
  • Change
  • House Keys/Bar Keys/Church Keys
  • Car Keys/Fob
  • Memo Pad
  • G2 Pen
  • Leatherman C33T Knife
  • Galaxy S3 Cellphone

And that’s what an EDC Kit is… for a guy like me who doesn’t Conceal and Carry…

Or is it??

What other items do I Every Day Carry??

The idea for this blog post popped up, when I noticed that Every Day, I tend to carry some things around, besides the contents of my pockets, that I may want to take notice of. For instance, I tend to carry surly attitude on many days. I notice other people, seem to carry a brighter one. Some seem to be more dark and negative even than mine.

I notice that I carry a desire to help. I want that in most any situation, and I also usually bring with me an open mind to possibility and think almost any problem can be solved, if we just spend a little time thinking and working on it.

Every day, I carry a part of my past with me. I notice that I seem to always have done this. I can remember, even as a small kid, when someone would ask me, ‘how is it going?’ or ‘how are you doing?’, I would internally want to answer that I was doing crappy, or not well, because, I had lost my Daddy when I was only 4. How could someone be doing okay, without their Dad? That didn’t make sense to me back then. So I suppose, I was carrying the idea that since Dad was gone, I couldn’t be truly happy.

I just carried that Every Day.

Now, I have just opened this conversation, to the fact that we Carry Ideas with us Every Day. Just like I choose what items to fill my pockets every morning, I can see, that I decide what ideas I am also going to arm myself with for each day as well.

Are they good ones? Positive things that leave me open and happy when greeting others? For me, not as much. I tend to grab onto an idea, that I am already behind for the day. I haven’t gotten enough done. I need to do so many things yet. I can talk, but just enough, to get through the conversation, and onto the next thing I need to accomplish. Wow… Good things to EDC??

I notice that sometimes I want be open to the fact of personal choice in these matters. Sometimes I want to pout and complain and point fingers around, that the world at large, has me backed into a corner. I can only see the limitations, since that is what is being thrown at me… the higher self knows better, however.

The higher self is patient. It is sublime in it’s steadiness. It allows me to scurry and worry and fill pockets of my brain each morning with the troubles of the world. I woke up into a day of life, that could go any direction. I must focus myself and dam off the sprouting springs of energy. I can deal with a small grinding day, if that is what I limit myself to. I can comprehend a small town, tasks at hand, two jobs today, a blog to write, designs to create, calls to make, a business to assist. These are just the things I chose to carry today though. What if I chose other things?

I used to do that some, I was wild and ambitious for a couple years. I was completely on the Western tundra, deciding that each day, could be the one that skyrocketed my connection and energy and clients into some other stratosphere, not here, but some imaginary wonderland… Usually, I was sitting at this same computer though.

I don’t do that as much anymore. When people out and about say ‘How are You?’ I say that I am well. They say, ‘Are you busy?’… (a question I used to detest, in it’s pedestrian and overused glib-ness…) I say, Yes I am, very busy.

I have changed my EDC, in the last few months. The Branding Iron has given me back some form of identification, that I tossed to the wayside back in 2010. I wear a shirt with our logo. I talk about The Iron. I have something to conduct conversation with and around again. It is a much easier way for me. I never got the hang of calling myself a Life Coach. Although I desperately wanted it to be true.

That desperation translated like light through clean glass, I’m sure. I carried different stuff then. My EDC kit has changed much over these last few years. Back in the day, the Beer, the Wine, the Scotch, were my calling cards. The RumRunners, the nights out at the Bar, Parties and play toys. Quads, motorcycles, a Jeep too. Bachelor play life. You could see every day, back then, what I was carrying. It was the idea, that we work hard, but play harder, it was a wild time. I did that Every Day.

Until I didn’t anymore. I suppose I still carry that past with me today too. I have a back pocket, where I know all the things I used to be. It is a flipbook of mental pictures and laughter. Good times, Bad Times. It is there, with me all the time. I wouldn’t ever forget to bring it with me, everywhere I go. I forget my pocket-knife sometimes. I have left my phone at home even. I rarely however, forget to bring along, the consciousness of  ‘who’ I think I am today. I color that vision with regrets from the past. I brighten it with tiny sprinkles of glitter, from an imagined future too.

We’ll see, in the long run. What is the truly important stuff I carry with me, and if I can remember that it is my choice, what I load my pockets with, when I set out for my daily adventures. In the physical objects, and mental ones too.

With Love,

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols

 

I’m a sicko, but we can fix that here…

I was mostly kidding on Tuesday night, when I asked my wife very nicely… to kill me. Good thing she didn’t comply with my request, I am feeling better right now, than I did that night.

So I have had a horrendous cough going on since the weekend, and since I’m not sick often, I don’t enjoy the experience one bit. Deep and overpowering, the coughs would come in uncontrollable waves. The dry ones, the gummy yucky ones, the creeping cruddy cough tortured my abdominal area, and exercised it more than I have in a very loong time.

The headaches would squeeze in, and tears squeak out. I was a big bawling baby, coughing all night, out on the couch, or recliner where I had moved, to keep from waking Lindsay every 20 minutes or so.

All week long, I have not felt like myself, unhealthy, weak and in pain.

And yet, as I learned this morning. It was still, a very First World type of problem.

I don’t use medicine often, taking nothing regularly. I rarely visit the doctor. I generally think I will eventually heal up, if I can be tough for a few days, well not this time.

I woke up again in the living room this morning. Again without enough sleep. Nestled into a soft enveloping pile of pillows on a comfy chair, but still uncomfortably exhausted. I made a decision to try to see a doctor. It was 7:15 a.m.

I then grabbed my laptop from a nearby end table. I punched in the words Ottawa Family Phy… into Google, and the rest came up. I looked at the website, to find a phone number, and maybe to call and make an appointment for today. Instead I saw a sentence, that said Monday – Friday 8:00-9:00 walk-in clinic… Hmmm…. By 7:59 I was in their parking lot, seven miles from my home.

8:15 a.m. (one hour, after waking up) I was in front of Dr. Ojeley. He asked some questions, he used his stethoscope, he did doctor stuff, quickly, efficiently and assigned me some medication. He said that my pills would be available across the street momentarily.

I said “Ack-ah-huuuuhack-hak-hu-hak-hu… Thank yaaaa–aaaack You.”

Then I drove across the street. I walked into the pharmacy and was told I would have a 15 minute wait for the drugs. I walked through the place, grabbing a big jug of orange juice from the cooler, I started sipping, while looking at wonderful AS SEEN ON TV stuff.

Not long after that, I paid for the two white sacks, and sat in the parking lot. Right there, I downed the first taste of hopefulness, and peaceful coughing relief, that I had been looking forward to all week long…. It was 9:30 am.

We are lucky people. The severity of this throat torturing cough of mine, was basically cut in half, and sentenced to death, in a two hour period, after I decided to get the help. The help was there all along. Bronchitis stands no match against a basic doctor visit and your basic drug store. Wow.

From the very moment, that I could use a machine to search the world of information, to driving a car to get anywhere close very quickly, to walking into a professional, well equipped medical facility, and receiving almost instantaneous help, I was beyond blessed.

These are magical moments. We are truly rich. In the context of the world at large today, these First World Problems are so easily and quickly solved. Wow.

Would I be so tough, in another world? The Third World? Places like that, coughs can kill. I wouldn’t be joking with my beautiful wife about it there. It wouldn’t be funny. She wouldn’t say sarcastic things, like quit being such a baby about it, if you’re not going to go to the doctor. There wouldn’t be one. Or he would be days away. The drugs may not exist there at all. My little short week of pain, could be months, or more. Ouch.

Dawn Ferguson, from our church, goes to Guatemala every year, to nurse the local people. She brings students of medicine, she brings the medicine itself. She brings a little bit of the First World into the Third World. I thought of her today. She has seen first-hand, how a package of medication can make a huge difference in the lives of a whole village. I wandered past thousands of those very bottles today at Walgreens…

I want to Thank God, that we are here in the First World, and don’t have to spend most of our time, just surviving. And God’s Blessings to those that do :)

hmmm…..

‘cough’

hmmmm……

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols

When I take a deep breath and I Get REAL…

There is a YouTube show where famous people sit around and get high. It lasts for an hour. Wow. I have watched many minutes of this show lately, just in awe that it is even happening. Smoking Marijuana, on film and discussing their stories of previous experiences with weed, and whatnot.

That is something that’s going on in the world today.

So much stuff goes on.

I saw a letter written by an insurance company, where we are required by the federal government to provide certain information about our business. It seems to be about our employees and about insurance, but honestly it felt really creepy.

That is something going on in the world today.

I have my stuff, my wife’s stuff, family stuff, work stuff, church stuff, internet stuff, and sleep. Then we do it all over again.

I honestly, truthfully, don’t even have a clue, about so much stuff out there in the world.

Uninformed. Nearly uneducated. I don’t watch the news. I don’t want to. Not interested.

Sue me.

A couple interesting things have changed since I have been working at the restaurant, for awhile now. I am becoming very comfortable in micro-second flashes of attention, concentration and quick-shifting/decision-making. A busy night like tonight, seems to require my head-on-a-swivel, and an as-fast-as-safely-possible speed.

I can absorb information quickly about our front of house, and kitchen, and dynamically maneuver around within centimeters of swinging doors and squeezing past staff to get back to the walk-in. This is something relatively new in my life.

Insomnia is as well. Right now at 1:20am, Thursday morning, I am settling into my prime focus time. I have reset an internal mechanism, keeping myself fully awake until around 2:00 or so, whether I want to or not.

Mornings?? Well, I don’t want to move in the morning, anymore.

Sure, we are still shutting things down at 10:30 most nights, and Friday, I can easily be there til 2:30am, but why do I insist on keeping those hours almost every day of week?

I have given up, on getting up early. Nine O clock is not an unusual time for me to first open my eyes.

There are times in my normal routine of life, where my experience seems to have fuzzy edges and shifting vibrations of consciousness, that may be exhaustion-induced. Also however, this quick-paced stammer of concentration seems to work very well, when the bar is busy.

This is something going on in my world.

You have things going on in your world. I probably don’t know about them. The stuff that is really, truly going on inside your mind, inside your thoughts, may be known to very few. Probably only you. In a whisper of a moment you converse with yourself about something you see or feel. You judge something, or perceive beauty. You’re enticed or aggravated, you are swept up, you are let down.

Isn’t it amazing, how much is really going on out there, in here, everywhere.

I just can’t conceive it. The world in which we live is beyond my comprehension. Today, I comprehend less than I ever have before. I chose this mostly. I live in such a small bubble. It’s tiny. My home, My work, My other work, My wife and My worship, are so tightly connected, it is crazy. Crazy small. Crazy compact.

So there. I live in a tiny bubble. That is something going on in the world. I used to live larger, spread myself out more. I used to talk to more people, get around to more places. I used to do a lot of things, that I don’t do now.

My experience of this life is the opposite of still and serene and quiet. In fact, I feel as if I’m at some edge of existence. Maybe hanging on by some stretched thread. I am constantly astonished by the smallest things. I cannot believe the moments I encounter day after day. Memories awaken lifetimes ago. The grip I have on the present moment seems slippery and loose. Quick I’m lost, Quick I’m back.

And lately, a concept keeps repeating. In situations or conversations, I find a small voice telling me a secret. I hear it over and over again. When I question to the vastness of God, ‘Why am I here?.’ or ‘Why does this feel this way?’, or “Why doensn’t this look different now, than it does?’

I hear the voice saying, ‘It’s not about You.’… Meaning… It’s not about Me.

I usually am pointed inward. My black plastic handled, mirror edged magnifying glass, studying the intricacies of Me…

I find over and over again, that I am not the subject of this experiment. I got that part wrong. As a participant, I am one tiny shade of tile, creating a great mosaic. I could be just one integer in an epic equation. This tiny moment of typing on this screen today, is one harmonic note in an overture overlapping the ends of time itself.

‘Should’ I be more informed? ‘Should’ I get more rest? ‘Should’ I give up internet? ‘Should’ I get a real job?

Who knows. Who cares. I can’t imagine that our droplets of questions and answers can truly raise or lower the levels of the ocean. Being one of those droplets though, sustains it.

This is something going on in the world today. I think about existence and it’s meaning. I live confusedly about it. I wander and forget, and act juvenile. I wax and wane prophetically too. I am just like you. We are like each other. We are all from one, from one we all are. There is no, out there, or in here. It is only the breath of God, that animates it all. All animation originates in the breath of God.

And that my friends, is one way to say something today. No more, no less. It just is.

With my truest friendship and deepest love… That’s What’s Going On…

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols






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Weird Mini-Van Jollies

So, I’ve been driving a mini-van for a week now, and I love the dang thing! It’s a sweeeeet ride!! Seriously! Tons of room, good mileage, headroom and doors that open themselves. It was snowy and icy when I picked it up, but the front-wheel drive yanked that sucker through the slush, no-problemo!

Anyway, I really do enjoy weird stuff like that. I mean, it must be weird to enjoy a mini-van’s practicality and versatility and function, because the few people I told about this epiphany, were not impressed whatsoever. They laughed at me and made fun. When I mentioned it could get some mud tires I felt isolated and alone on a little deserted isle with my opinion, when I shared it around… so very sad…

So WHAT!! I dun’t care! I like LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of stuff, that not everyone likes. That is why my blog is titled weirdforgood.com, and that is why I get to say what I want, and what I like, or don’t, here in this space. A quiet place where I don’t have to physically hear the opinions of others. Sorry. I probably prefer that sometimes :)

Anyway, there are things that turn me on, and things that grip my attention. I want to share that here this week. I want to express, that it’s a great thing, to have an opinion opposite of the ‘group’! If you have them, and I’m sure you do, enjoy it! It’s wonderful to see and appreciate what inherently is interesting to you alone. I’m sure there are millions enough fans of the latest bands to go around. I have found my favorite, they aren’t on mainstream radio. Not everyone would like them. However,  I have a personal connection with their music. I just prefer them over all others. Bar none. And I even like the experience of ‘not everyone liking them.’

Maybe they don’t. They probably work too hard, and make too wonderful of music to still not be mega-millionaires, like a few less talented teenage stars do.

So, I don’t have cable TV. I don’t have an opinion on sports. I don’t looooove any one team, or haaaaate any other team. I will watch a game and get excited. Nothing in my life will change because of the outcome though. Not one thing. They don’t know me, I don’t know them. I didn’t go to the school… maybe that’s the difference. Flint Hills Technical College barely had a co-ed softball team, let alone Division 1 Basketball.

I do though love documentaries. And lots of shows on PBS. I love the new YouTube series Serious Jibber Jabber by Conan O’Brien. I love it because it is a lot like Charlie Rose. I like Charlie Rose. Wow, in-depth interviews! Sure, actors, rockers, expected people. But Conan is intensely intrigued with U.S. Presidential history. He has authors on, and knows so much detail about our former Commanders-In-Chief. His interest, interests me. I doubt it is a popular thing, to talk about this stuff. It inspires him though, he has a platform to do it, so he does. (very well I must add)

That darn mini-van is just one more thing in a loong list of stuff in my life, that I feel that I truly appreciate and yet makes me apart from normal. The fact that I even notice that gap, can tell us something though. I must yearn to be accepted. I must still want the people I interact with, to see things the way I see them. I want that camaraderie and approving agreement. I sure do. I know that I have, at other times in my life, done more to go along with the flow, and to fit in with the crowd, than I do now. Much more.

I probably won’t talk myself into buying my Mom’s mini-van. (Even though it is super awesome!) I probably will just fix the Troop and keep limping it along for awhile. I probably won’t buy a sweet Jayhawks, or Powercats tee shirt, at the sporting goods store I work at. Even if it is a great deal, on my employee discount. I don’t own one now, maybe never will.

I will still seek out those videos or shows or documentaries, where people speak about their lives, and how they got from their humble beginnings to being the master of their craft. I will always loooove the moments where they share their principals, their inner stances on life. Most of the time, they say that they learned them from a parent, or a grandparent or teacher or boss. I wonder if we do enough of that stuff now. Showing the kids principals. Showing by example. Succeeding ourselves and telling the kids, what makes it work best for us. I don’t do it enough I know.

I am weird. Always really have been. I remember the girls in gradeschool calling me weird. I took that on, as a label that was mine, no one else’s. I liked it, gave me freedom to really be anything I guess… Anything but normal…

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols

‘True power: the willingness and ability to look into your own mind and to decide what is appropriate – or not.’ – Dusan Djukich

I Wanna’ Get Away! So I Will!

Freakin’ airlines! What’s up with them! A long time ago, someone decided that the planes were going to leave the terminal on time, whether all the passengers were aboard or not! Their tickets are relatively expensive! They also seem to have a hassle-factor built into bumping to the next flight out, whenever that may be! They are smart enough, to have me following all their rules! Overall, I want to get myself on that plane, on-time, period.

Okay, maybe they used to do that with trains too, or busses,  maybe still do. I don’t really know, but the key here is that we always, almost-every-single-time-always make it to the airport on-time and are seated ready to go, when the plane takes off.

Almost never do we miss a plane flight.

This concept was brought to my attention sometime in the last few years by Steve Chandler. The idea that we place so much importance on being physically ready and present for our airplane travel is astonishing.

On the other hand, when we make life plans, or new year’s resolutions, our success rate is much lower. We can intend to shoot for our goals, and rock a new body by summer, but we really don’t deliver on our self-promises, as much as we do with a plane flight.

That’s just me of course. You probably are one of those people. A raging success. Someone who sets  yearly goals, has an internal progress report practice, and measures your continuous accomplishments. You probably count every calorie and live always at the optimum weight and bmi. You are probably waaaay more disciplined in almost every area of life, than I am… So you can go back to looking at damnyouautocorrect.com and save yourself from reading any more.

Commitment is the thing that is inherently built into my idea of flying on a plane. I am eagerly anticipating the trip ahead. I am going to some place more fun or exciting than home. I am spending some money to experience a new place. I know that when I get to the airport, the chances of me arriving on-time to my destination is very high. I do know that the TSA search and seizure policies are unnerving, but I still want to make the trip anyway. I am operating at a high level of commitment and I’m accomplishing my mission.

I am still the un-disciplined. The procrastinator. The quick-to-start; rare-to-finish’er. I am still not creating a masterful overall life-enriching plethora of commitments. I am just doing the one thing, in that one moment. I am getting myself on the plane, one way or another.

And tonight, Wednesday Night, I am blogging here, for the exact same reason. I am forcing myself to create this post a day early compared to my ‘normal’ schedule. I have a ‘flight’ coming up that I don’t want to miss. Friday, Valentine’s Day, will be lift-off. I am planning on an action-packed, comprehensively crazy day/weekend at our restaurant, The Brand’N Iron Bar and Grill. Historically, it is one of the busiest days of our year. I want to blog tonight, rather than tomorrow night, so that I can get a little more rest, the night before. I want all the advantages I can get, to perform at my peak on that one day. I will even break my normal routine, and blog one day early, for this upcoming event…

Darn. Wish I knew how to ignite this high-level of commitment, on any day, at any time, for any reason I choose. I guess I can see in the hindsight, which things and events and goals, I was committed to and which ones I wasn’t. The ones I completed successfully, I was. Those I didn’t, I wasn’t. If I want some great advice on commitment, I can check in with Dusan Djukich’s twitter feed, or his great book. I do know where resources are available to show me that commitment is the #1 thing I affecting my performances at any given time…

In reality though, when I see my lower-level commitments in action, I tend to be weak, and get frustrated with myself. When I once-again fail to swing an connect on a solid spike on the volleyball court, I am disappointed in myself. I know that if I wanted to figure it out, and be a better hitter, and commit to that phase of my game, I could do it. But usually, like right now, I do something else, instead of practice hitting the volleyball.

So there. I have created another post tonight. My commitment to this ‘thing’ continues. I however, adjusted it, for a bigger commitment in my life. The restaurant has all my attention this Friday, and it has now ranked above the blog. Usually, I make them coexist, and squish lots into a small timeframe.

When I see the magnitude of the weekend ahead, I am willing to clear my schedule as much as possible. I can do anything I want to, when I am committed enough to it. I know that, dag-nabit. I know too, that I have grey areas, in what I say I am committed to, and what is proven in my actions, to others, and to myself.

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols

Words I’ll need this weekend…
“Just don’t be you. Be what it takes.” – Dusan Djukich (a Kansan)